Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever. (Peter Pan)

I watch silently while (s)he begins to crumble:

– My entire life I was always on the lookout for possible dangers. I tried to oversee everything, I had to anticipate everything, I managed everything. I controlled everything – as you say – hence shielding myself not only against the bad things but also against the good things that might have appeared in my life. The world – life in its entirety – has always been, for me, on the verge of collapse… if I wasn’t there – all the freaking time – so as to save it!

– Why you had to do that?

– Because I was born in a family of unpredictable people, people who said one thing and often did the opposite. There wasn’t balance – the only certitude was that I couldn’t rely on them. So I had to rely on myself. For I am – and I’m dead sure – the only trustworthy person, the only one who’s not going to abandon me or overlook my needs.

– Yes, but you were a child then. Now, you’re not only a child, but also an adult.

– Yes, but my family is as chaotic as has always been. Time did not pass over my parents; they still do illogical things, they still do stupid things and I always have to be behind them – freaking supervising them – so that nothing harmful can happen – or avoid as much as possible the dangers when they take senseless risks.

– But… you know… your parents were here in this world before you… They know how to survive. They are the ones who have raised and educated you… and not the vice-versa…

– True. But… they play with the fire! And when they get burned, they cry for help and victimize! And I always have to come and rescue them – well… rescue might be a tough word but yeah… rescue is the word… They often keep as a secret, until the very last moment, some private catastrophe – such as some health problem – and then, when the shit hits the fan, I have to squeeze my mind so as to find a miraculous solution. And sometimes I can’t find one, sometimes there is not divine solution, sometimes they remain crippled by disease or handicapped in one way or another… and then it is I – obviously – who has to tend for them. And this is sucking the life out of me and makes me unwilling to do anything.

– Did you said this to them?

– Yes.

– And?

– They said that I don’t love them and that I should let them die if I’m not into helping them. For them, I am the ungrateful child who is blind to the sacrifices they made for me…

– So they self-victimize even more… while blaming you…

– Yes. And it is not the fact that I don’t love them – I do! It’s the fact that they have become so… cruel… so… selfish… that I can’t take this anymore! They keep pressing my “guilt button” every freaking time!

– Why guilt?

– Well, I have to look after my parents, right? Obviously, I can’t let them commit suicide through imprudence or carelessness or neglect!

– Why not? They are grownups! They know the consequences! Obviously!…

– Obviously, they need my attention!

– Obviously, it’s more a need for attention but I don’t know if it’s a need for love!

– Obviously, it’s not love!

– Obviously, they make you angry on an almost daily basis!

– Obviously, anger happens because I care!

– Obviously, anger means that you love them!

– Why?

– Because if it weren’t for love, you would have ignored them… Obviously!…

– …

– …

– Why do they need so much my love?! They are adults, they should know how to give love to themselves… by now…

– Are you sure they’re adults? How old are they?

– In their 70s…

– How old are they… really?!…

– …

– Emotionally…

– I don’t know… Maybe 2 or 3 years old… emotionally…

– They seem regressed to a younger age…

– Were they really older?… Like, ever!?!

– I don’t know… Were they?

– I don’t know…

– …

– …

– You know that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks…

– Yes, they cannot change… I know what you are going to say: if they can’t change, I should change… I might change… I could change…

– You… can… change…

– They are like children! They really are 3-years-old children! They freaking are… children!

– They behave like children…

– And I have become their freaking parent! For God’s sake, I don’t want that! I don’t want to be my parents’ parent! No way!

– But you behave like you’d be so…

Anger makes room for tears:

– I want my childhood back! I am fed up with all these years of playing this role! I am… not… my parents’ parent… I am… their child…

– How old are you?

– I’m 45.

– Do you have kids?

– No.

– I wonder why?

– …

– …

Suddenly enlightened:

– I already have kids… I already have kids that never grow up…

Silence descends on us.

– I want my childhood back.

– They no longer have time to change and become adults… so as to free you from your role…

– They don’t?

– Would you bet on them at their age?

– No. You’re right. They will never grow up…

After some moments of silence:

– In this case… I will take back my childhood… There is no point in asking for it; they won’t give it… I will take it back!… It’s always me who has to do… everything…

– Yes, but this time you’re doing it for yourself, not for them… if you deem yourself worthy of this…

– I do.