Wenn es einfach wäre, würde es jeder tun. (If it were easy, everyone would do it)
During these summer months I was delighted to play for the last time, in writing, my role of unsolicited teacher and therapist. It was important for me to go again through my notes, many years after the end of my psychotherapy training. What I became aware of is that I’m anachronistic in my desire to keep explaining psychological mechanisms to a world that has left the intellectual pursuits far away in the past, living in the moment the entertainment offered by social media and seeming not to have any interest in knowing more. So I stopped at existentialism and refused to continue; this road has met its end. It is the end of an era, as I leave behind both my hat of teacher but also my hat of psychotherapist. I have a bit of nostalgia but I understand that this was only a phase in my life, a long and important one though. On the other hand, I understood that I cannot go on “healing” the damaged relationships in my family through this interest in psychotherapy: my family has been damaged beyond repair, it is full of power-hungry psychopaths and I myself am too broken to ever hope to be a “normal” person. Doing psychotherapy was, metaphorically, a “magical” way to heal the present and the past – my present and my past. But I got tired after so many years of trying and hoping to see any change…
As a psychiatrist currently in a career break, I will eventually have to return to be a modern slave in some Western country. This is what I do and this pays the bills. I still believe I am one of the best in my profession, I keep very high standards and I am not afraid to say this without any sign of modesty. However, no matter where I will end up next, I will fill a place nobody wants, because psychiatry leads rather fast to burnout, anger and disgust, especially in a failing medical system (no matter what country you choose to think of). So I will be busy again several weeks in a row, not being able to have those 2-3 leisure hours necessary to write a decent article on the blog because of the typically bad quality of life a doctor has these days. As a consequence, I must choose wisely how I manage my time. From my previous experience, I know that writing is the only creative activity I can afford to do while working; the rest is compulsive consumption of memes and videos, or worrying about a world on the edge of destruction, in case I’m not completely collapsed due to the important professional effort. But for now, I enjoy my prolonged holiday… as long as I can…
So, I will continue writing but from a different position, not the all-knowing one of a teacher or a psychotherapist, but the usual one of a simple human being, travelling through life and having insights others don’t usually have. I will cross-post my “writing” articles between WordPress and Vivaldi (including this one), keeping, as usual, the photos and the music articles on the later, but sharing an update from time to time on the first.
Am I going to be rich and famous from writing? (fashionable question these days) Of course not. Am I going to help anyone with what I write? I doubt. Am I in a bad mood right now? Yes, very disillusioned.
What can you do? Share and recommend my work if you like! Leave if you feel like leaving! Remember that the freedom of thought – especially in these times – might be the only power you genuinely have.
